First Impressions
by IntoTheWilds
Summary: ONE-SHOT: Hotch cornered Spencer about his sudden change in appearance and attitude and the answer he received is not the one he expected...


_**DISCLAIMER:**__ I do not own Criminal Minds or its characters!_

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** This sort of came to me and decided to just go with it. Hope you like xx_

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_"Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody." __  
**-Stephen Chbosky**_

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It had been going on for weeks. He had first noticed the signs sometime back in August and now half way through January Hotch had to admit enough was enough. He knew Spencer Reid had relapsed. Stood by his office window the Unit Chief stared down at the flock he was in charge of, his dark brown hues searching for one face in particular and there he was looking sickly thin, haggard beyond belief and with an aura of _stay back_ all around him. Spencer Reid did not look like himself and hadn't for some time and unfortunately Erin Strauss had noticed and was pushing Hotch to talk to him.

Sometimes being a Unit Chief wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

After five more minutes of inner monologue and debating viciously with himself Hotch let out a defeated sound and marching from his office he stopped long enough to say, "Reid, my office." He didn't bother looking to see if the agent obeyed his command. So confidant in himself he knew he would.

Reid jumped when the order was barked across the bullpen. Eyes turned toward him, curious and he ignored them all. It was no business of theirs. Or at least that was what he had been telling himself as he struggled through the days the past few weeks, the lie eating away at his soul as his very existence sank deeper into that dark dank hole.

Abandoning his paperwork ignoring Morgan's questioning glance the thirty-two year old made his way up to Hotch's office and once the door snapped shut behind him, he turned to face his surly boss, "you wanted to see me Hotch?"

Hotch, not Aaron, now that hurt. It had been going on since before Haley's death, something of which the team were aware of but pretended they weren't. No one drew awareness to the fact that the two agents were lovers, or had been as the case may be. Spencer hadn't let Hotch touch him in weeks and had pretty much cut all contact that wasn't work related.

"Sit down."

At first Reid was intending to refuse, but Hotch's expression was not one he wanted to argue with and so pulling out the visitor's chair, he sat. Hotch was agitated and if Reid had to use one word to sum up the older agent's emotions he would've said _pissed. _To make matters worse the rage was directed at him, which was both a surprise and yet sort of wasn't. He had been waiting for this so to speak.

"What's this all about?" Reid asked eventually when it was apparent Hotch wasn't going to talk.

Hotch linked his fingers setting his steely gaze upon his subordinate, "Something has been brought to my attention and as Unit Chief I have to confirm whether or not the rumours are true."

Spencer's heart began to race. _Oh God, what did he know?_ "And what rumours would that be?"

"First off, you could've come to me, if things had become too much, I was there to help you Spencer. I never thought you'd go back to Dilaudid."

"Wait, _what?_"

"Don't try to deny it Spencer," Hotch warned, "I know the signs when someone isn't well."

"So you automatically presume I'm on drugs?" Spencer hissed hazel eyes fiery as he surged to his feet, "We are _not_ having this conversation."

"Spencer, you look like hell, you've been snapping at everyone, you are clearly losing a drastic amount of weight—hell Morgan heard you vomiting only last week on that case in Florida," Hotch stood hands spread, "You're slacking off on your work, barely able to stay awake and—"

"I'm dying."

The words stopped Hotch so suddenly it was as if someone had taken his lungs and squeezed the air right out of them, "I...w-what?"

Spencer swallowed lip trembling and eyes wet, "I, eh, was diagnosed with Leukaemia back in August, the aggressive non-treatable kind. I'm d-dying Aaron and I...I've been pushing everyone away because...I just didn't want you suffering along with me."

His heart was shattering, splintering and Hotch wasn't sure what kept him upright, but stalking around his desk he did the first thing that came to mind and kissed Spencer hard on the mouth, "you stupid, stupid man!" Another harsh kiss, "W-Why didn't you tell me?" Hotch's words ended on a sob and with his misery came Spencer's.

"After Haley," Spencer sniffled, "I...I wanted to spare you the pain. I thought if you hated me, it would hurt less. Oh God Aaron I'm dying and I'm scared, I'm so scared."

Hotch let out another broken sob and clung to the trembling male. In all the things he had intended to interrogate Spencer over, he never once had such a thing cross his mind. The youth was breaking apart in his arms and with the pain raw and scorching, Hotch broke apart too.


End file.
